Life's too short to worry, life's too long to wait.

I have had more time than I would like to think latley. I have been thinking about everything possible. Today I was thinking about how you never realize how much you take for granted until you don't have it, and when you think things are tough... someone more than likely has it 20 more rough than you have got it. I am a person who fears to live in regret, and I don't care what anyone says... we all have them. YES... we all do things, and eventually learn from our mistakes, but there are still little aspects of us that want to go back and change the way we would have handled a situation, said something, and so on. I am not one to talk about my feelings... I am much better at writing them. I guess lately I have been feeling like there have been so many doors opened for me in life and instead of walking through them I have closed the doors of opportunity. I know the people in my life are not blind, or as unaware as i make believe in my head that they are. Some probably think I am an idiot with her head up her butt. Well, those some are right. haha I unfortunatly am the type of person that must experience everything herself without listening to reason. (Reason of course being a metaphore for my parents, grandparents, friends..... pretty much anyone giving advice.) and of course the advice not taken in the end is always right.... ALWAYS! And at the same time... with all this screwing up, the one thing ive always wanted since as long as I can remember is approval. Especially with the folks. I know and have been told by alot of my friends that i put way to much pressure on myself to appease my parents. But all I want for them is to be happy. I have cried myself to sleep the past week over this. I realize that they were young and probably didnt know exactly what they were doing at first when they were raising me. However i DO NOT want them to think that they failed. Thinking back... i took them for granted. I rejected them when they would reach out to me, because I was intimidated. I never thought i could have a friendship... a comrodery with them. And as i get older and the world turns.... i am seeing how neat they are. i LIKE being around them... they are funny... but most of all... comforting and nuturing. I know one day I will make them proud... and they won't be ashamed to shout from the rooftops that I am their daughter. All I am asking is that you be patient with me... god isnt finished with me yet.